better call sexton — 1 Divorce Lawyer Dissects Netflixs Popular Love Shows

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So much pop culture on this Better Call section.

You're not going to know what to do with it.

We got Coachella.

We got Sabrina Carpenter.

We got Katy Perry.

We got the Zona guy.

We got Temptation Island.

We got Love on the Speck.

I don't even know where to start.

It would be shorter to just say what we don't cover on this episode.

Stick around.

Let's get after it.

James Sexton, this is your time to shine.

The floor is yours, my friend.

It's time for the Love on the Spectrum segment.

I've been training for this for a few weeks now.

Unfortunately, it comes along with some heartbreak.

Abby and David, the quintessential Love on the Spectrum couple, together for five years.

They divorced and they said...

They didn't divorce.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They didn't divorce.

They never married.

Excuse me.

They could have been so beautiful.

They disagreed.

You were toying with my emotions.

They disagreed over the future.

You open this Love on the Spectrum special segment.

You open it with this and I'm supposed to recover?

I botched it, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna need a minute.

I'm gonna need a minute to just...

I'm in my feelings right now about that.

No, but you just start with the breakup.

Why would you start with the breakup?

Well, that's the news!

They are the emotional core of the show.

The news is the beauty of the connections that were made.

Oh, keep telling yourself that, Sexton.

And you're focusing on this.

First of all, look, love is dead, okay?

This is proof of it.

It's over.

The universe is meaningless.

Evil is its only permanence, okay?

Patrick Bateman was right in American Psycho.

The whole thing's done.

Fine, you got it out of us.

Thank you for proving a tie.

I can't, what this actually shows me, I have to tell you, one of the things this shows me is that neurodivergent men step on the same rakes as none.

Like, cause she was like, I can't wait for us to get married.

He's like, if that happens, that would be something also at some point that might be possibly good to happen maybe, but also not for sure.

And she kind of went like, she's as neurodivergent as they get.

And she was like, wait, that sounds like bullshit to me.

That sounds like a firm possibility of a definite maybe.

And then it sounds like it was like, if you like it, you should have put a ring on it.

And she's out.

Abby knows her worth, man.

It's been five years.

She's waiting for that ring.

She knows she's not going to get it.

Buddy, first of all,

He's playing above the rim.

She is a fine choice.

This was a lovely romance.

I mean, they did well.

He took her on a safari.

I mean, so he's got some scratch.

He's got some family with some money.

I love that.

But yeah, I can't believe this.

I really, this one actually hurt.

This one actually hurt.

I was cheering for this couple.

On like a serious note, I do believe that Abby and David

kind of showed the point of Love on the Spectrum, that it was a very authentic and real...

I mean, they are the poster children for why this show works and why people like it.

I like my cowboy in Madison.

I like them.

They're my favorite couple.

They're my absolute favorite couple.

But no, look, I think...

I don't know, I'm gonna push back.

I don't know that the point of that show or what makes it so beautiful is that people find a happily ever after.

I think what's beautiful is that people find connection.

And the purity of the connection that they find on that show is I think what's, first of all, I love that this show is having such a moment.

I love the number of celebrities who have reacted to the news of this breakup.

Like, I love that this is bringing all of us together.

All of us are going, listen, you can like whatever you like and you can feel however you feel about this war or that war.

Oh my God, can you believe that they broke up?

And everyone loves Love on the Spectrum.

Everyone, the fact that Madison got a call for Say Yes from the Dress.

Like, I mean, all of it is just, we are all tuned into this thing.

And why?

Because it's real.

It's sincere.

It's genuine.

It is all the pretense and all the...

boys versus girls bullshit stood down and it's two vulnerable people looking at each other and saying, I want this to work out.

It's less about why the other person sucks and why the other gender sucks or why.

And it's more about, no, I want connection and I'm afraid and I'm nervous, but I think I can do it and I want to do it, but I don't really believe in myself.

It is so beautiful.

We see so much of ourselves in this show.

I watch it and I find myself going, oh dude, I can relate to that feeling.

Like the feeling of, oh my God, I'm so uncomfortable in my own skin right now.

And it's just, it's a beautiful thing to watch.

But look, starting with the ending, I don't, the fact that they had five years together, that they learned a lot about themselves and their capacity for love, that they became people, they saw how much the world is cheering for them.

They see how much even in their breakup, they're supported by people that are cheering for them.

I don't see that as a net loss.

I see that as a net gain.

you know, love doesn't always work out exactly the way you'd hope it would.

But listen, they found five years of love and connection.

And we now know them and we're cheering for them.

And I suspect they have great chapters ahead of these young people.

I think that's kind of the point, too, is that it's like they experience the good, the bad and the ugly, just like anybody else, like anybody else.

That's part of of it.

And, you know, you don't want to go through that.

But the fact that they can go through it just like anybody else.

I mean, one of the first things that really

crashed into my consciousness the first time I represented celebrities was realizing that like stars, they're just like us.

Like they're really just like us.

They're just people.

And they're just trying to figure it out the same way we all are.

And you can envy them, you can, but I mean, somebody can be a CEO, a world-class surgeon, a top athlete.

They get jealous.

They get petty.

They have mommy issues and daddy issues.

They make mistakes based on impulse.

These are human problems.

And whatever your IQ, whatever your level of neurodivergence, whatever your net worth, whatever adversities you've been through or are going through or have surpassed,

We're all dealing with the same stuff.

And that show is a great example of like stripping away the pretense and making something very pure about our desire for connection as human beings.

Is it fair to say that it's also a reality TV dating show with people not just trying to become famous in social media?

Yeah, like they are pure, right?

In that sense, right?

to not be famous because they don't quite know what to do with being famous.

I mean, the episode where Madison has like a serious emotional reaction because someone yells, we love you, Maddie.

And that's one of her triggers is she doesn't like being called Maddie when her name is Madison.

That was so real.

It was so real.

But by the way, if we're talking about love on the spectrum, I forget Cowboy's name, I apologize, but it's Madison's boyfriend.

He, or fiance, sorry, he put on a masterclass.

Gentlemen, pay attention.

He put on a masterclass of being a supportive other in a relationship with a woman, neurodivergent or not.

She has this very intense,

irrational reaction to being called Maddie by someone.

Again, a fan who's trying to say, we love you, Maddie, which is a lovely thing to say, but she has a reaction to it because of her triggers, because of her autism spectrum disorder.

This is something.

And what does he do?

He just stands there with her.

He kind of soothes her.

He touches her arm.

He tells her, hey, you know, it's okay.

I'm here and I'm with you.

You're not alone.

Sometimes I have a hard time with things and you're there for me.

And one of the things that's nice is that we're here for each other.

He puts on a masterclass.

Guys, watch it.

I watched it and I was like, shit, man, it took me into my 50s to figure out that this is sometimes what a woman needs from you.

And this guy who's on the spectrum and everyone would look at and say, oh, he's so impaired.

He's so impaired.

He's putting on a masterclass on how to be present and hold space for someone.

He doesn't even probably use the term holding space or he hasn't read books about it.

He just instinctually knows I care about this person.

She's been there for me.

I want to be there for her.

And the purity of that is fantastic.

But a big, big applause to him.

That's my absolute favorite couple.

If they break up, I'm done.

I'm out.

I'm through with

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Well, if you're done with Love on the Spectrum, you can just slide right over to Temptation Island.

Oh, my talk about in opposite shows.

These are the total opposite ends of the spectrum.

See what I did there?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Wouldn't that be a Temptation Island on the Spectrum?

Wow.

Get Netflix on the phone.

Also, for two reasons.

Not only is that a great idea, but Matt, when I watch Temptation Island, I watch these shows, there would be no better host in the world than James J. Sexton.

Oh, my God.

First of all,

put some respect on Mark L. Wahlberg's name, okay?

Mark L. Wahlberg and James J.

Sessions.

Mark L. Wahlberg, okay?

Not to be confused with Marky Mark.

I like that he introduces himself as not that Mark Wahlberg.

He knows.

But I love...

He is good, but...

He's great.

He's great.

He's great.

The teeth, he went a little too white on the veneers.

I'm gonna tell you right now.

But other than that, love the guy.

Listen, speak from experience.

But I'm telling you, love the guy.

Couldn't you picture Jim

Let's say it's Temptation Island, he's on a tropical island.

Let's put him in like a bathing suit and a tank top.

Tats out, he's in flip flops and he's just tearing everybody, picking him apart, propping him up.

So far I'm in flip flops on an island, I'm in.

This is great.

Netflix will call you tomorrow.

He is so patient with these people.

I would just be like, what the is wrong with you?

Seriously.

But I would also just be standing off to the side, like just watching them all doing their thing.

No, okay, you know what we need then?

You can do the reunion.

Because that's where you get to be like.

Oh, I can do the, what were you thinking?

Here's what, I'll tell you something.

You're onto something.

No, I just want to segment in any of these Bravo reunions or any of these things, let me cross-examine these motherfuckers.

Just let me cross-examine them.

I could cross-examine these people.

Isn't it a fact?

Now, sir, you stated earlier in your first interview that you wanted to see where this went.

Did you not?

Sorry, it's a yes or no question, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Okay, let's play that clip back.

Like I would love, I've always like, when I watch political debates, I'm always like, oh, put me in as a moderator.

Put me in, like, let me cross-examine these people.

The people's moderator for all these things.

Anything that I could be the voice of the people, I'm telling you, because I can smell blood in the water when I'm cross-examining.

I can smell bullshit like a fart in a car and I will be on them.

I'm telling you, I will be on them.

I will remember every word that they said in every prior episode and I will attack them with it.

Let me loose on Temptation Island.

And by the way, if this sounds entertaining to you, check out cross-examination every Saturday where Jim basically does this with the internet experts.

But wouldn't it be great to do it to the reality stars?

Oh, it'd be so fun to do it in real time.

I have to tell you.

But this season of Temptation Island is a banger.

It is phenomenal.

It is everything.

Last season, I was not as into it.

This season, they are crushing it.

They are crushing it.

It's hard to pick a favorite.

It's hard to pick a favorite tempter.

We got Mr.

Bottle Service here with his bottle service.

Okay, so wait.

Let's

I don't even know where to start.

I don't even know where to start.

I'm like a little kid.

Let me start here.

It's Christmas Eve.

Let me start here.

I want to go back to what you said in a previous episode, talking about how you want your partner to be desired by other people.

Yes.

So in Temptation Island, if you're not familiar, one of the things they bring in these people that are essentially going to try to.

The tempters.

The tempters.

And they give out bracelets to who they want to tempt.

And one of the fellas got one bracelet.

Wah, wah, wah.

And while these other guys are stacking 10, 12 bracelets.

And he said, the guy says, like, my ego is pretty shot right now, especially on a show where you're thinking about leaving your spouse.

Maybe it's like, maybe I should just stay put.

What do you that?

I almost think that that couple might make it now because maybe he realizes, you know, I think that initial that initial who gets the bracelet thing is so broad because they know nothing except just the visible data of this person and who their partner is.

But isn't that worse?

That they're just like, I look at you, no.

I mean, it's just objectively based on looks.

I don't really know.

I felt like it was funny.

I actually was watching it and I went, he's gonna get the most bracelets.

And then he did.

And I was like, I wonder what that is.

Because he has a very light energy to him.

He's very kind of funny and jovial.

We come to figure out in later episodes that that's hiding a way to push down pain and stuff.

This is such a psychological season.

I am enjoying watching it.

As always, that is, you know, we said it a couple episodes ago as well.

You talk about the silly things, but there's always some real truth under there.

There is so much depth and there is so much fertile ground to till in your relationship watching Temptation Island.

It is an invitation to so many interesting conversations because watching these people's interactions is such an invitation to comment on what they're doing right, what they're doing wrong, where they're deluding themselves, where they're lying to themselves and each other.

Wait, what's worse, what he did or what she did?

Wait, why are they reacting the way that they're reacting?

It is an invitation to talk to your partner about, well, what do you think of that?

What do you feel about it?

are just starting to date somebody and you want to get a full dossier on how they actually feel about relationships and how they would like, you know, like road test or pressure test some of the challenges you have in relationship, there is no better date than sitting down with them, ordering some grub and watching Temptation Island because it is a it is a whole

full of relationship foibles inviting you to have a discussion about it.

Just keep the remote handy so you can pause it and you don't miss anything and you can chat for a few minutes about what they just said and then keep going.

A lot of the conversations are very interesting.

I'll tell you one that was not.

Those two connecting over club culture.

I totally disagree.

Erroneous.

Erroneous.

I loved it.

I loved it.

Because it was like watching toddlers babble.

Well, yes, okay.

That's for sure.

It was the greatest thing ever.

I thought I would pour it over pancakes.

They were just doing the...

He was like, you know, I like stuff.

Don't you?

And she's like, oh my god, I totally love stuff.

Stuff is my favorite.

And he's like, yeah, I like to, I don't think life should be taken so seriously.

I'm like, wait, what aspect of your life is serious?

Start with your haircut.

But what planet are you?

And I love that, by the way, they've been together since they were like 16, 17, he and this girl.

And he's so like, he is amazing.

But the girl he picked, she's like, I do bottle service.

And we're like, really?

There is a stunner.

I thought you were an astronaut.

Extrophysics I can't believe it like wow with that filler and the whole oh my god looks like a Jezebel a succubus a siren I gotta tell you I mean I immediately I was like these two are perfect for each other well because they literally have nothing to say to each other or anyone Except that they're like know what I like what like clubs.

Okay

Oh my God, I like clubs too.

Really?

What do you like about them?

I like all the drinking and the dancing.

Oh my God, I like the drinking and the dancing too.

I'm just watching them and I'm like, are you guys talking about, because honestly, what are you going to fucking talk to that girl about, Dostoevsky?

What are you going to talk to him about?

What do you think is going on in the S&P right now?

Do you think that there is like, do you think the market volatility is tied to private equity or do you think that it's, like they're not gonna have, like this is, it really is like when like, you know, Louis CK has this whole bit about like, you know, he has like what a three year old is like, I wanna tell you a secret.

He's like, what secret does a three year old have?

Like you'd be like, what was it?

Oh my God, and then they had an abortion?

Like this girl, like being like, I want to tell you something really important.

You're like, what could it possibly be?

Like anything, like if this girl had five more IQ points, she'd have low self-esteem.

Like she is just absolutely, and he is dumber than her, which is shocking, you know?

So, but maybe they're perfect for each other.

Maybe this is, I think they're on the wrong show.

I think they might've been better off on Love on the Spectrum.

He might have uttered the most pathetic phrase I think I've ever heard when he said that his life goal and dream is to be a club promoter.

It's like, just go do it, dude.

But here's what I'm going to tell you.

You're not being an astronaut.

Bottle service girl.

wannabe club promoter guy.

It's peanut butter and jelly.

It's just, it's peas and carrots.

You know what I mean?

Like, are you kidding me?

Like the stars have aligned for these two absolutely vapid individuals whose combined IQ is roughly lower than your shoe size.

Like it's incredible.

And I think that they're meant for each other.

And by the way, the one who he's with,

I think she could do so much better.

Get out there.

Set her free by running off with bottle service, girl.

What do you think of Mikey?

Which one's Mikey?

I don't stick around with their names.

Yeah, well, I'm trying to be nice because what I call him is the pear-shaped guy.

The black guy who is very thick on the bottom.

Yeah.

And very laughy, goofy.

I have to tell you, I watch that show and I feel like I do when I'm at my gym, which is in Chelsea, which is like populated largely by gay men who look like they're Photoshopped.

Like when the Temptation dudes take their shirts off, I was like, wow, that's an impressive bunch of abs you got going on here, guys.

But yeah, he looks like a doughy kind of guy, which again,

It shows you though, he got a lot of bracelets.

I think he's got a real sense of humor.

That's what I was gonna say.

He's got a lot of competence.

Again, we see no spoilers, but we see that some of that's a veneer and some of that's a defense mechanism.

And I think that this is like, this show is such ripe, fertile ground for psychological drama.

But yeah, I think...

Yeah, he's a doughy kind of guy.

And on that island, you know, it's also like, you know, there's fat and then there's gay fat.

You know what I mean?

Like, you know, you could be trim and look good and still be gay fat.

Like, it's like, dude, you're not trim enough.

Like, you don't have the, what do they call them?

Like the gutters?

I don't know the proper name for them.

Like, that's what I think they're called.

That's the guy, the Jesus.

Like Usher had for a while.

They're the things that make women lose about 50 IQ points when they see them.

That little V, yeah, that little V. We call it like the V, not the gutters.

I had them for a period of time.

Jim Sexton had gutters?

I had gutters, yeah.

I got photos.

I can show you photos.

Yeah, I had gutters.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, that's a million.

That's a million.

Yeah.

But no, but at that point, someone said, oh yeah, those are called cup gutters.

And I was like, I have not, I think it's from Rick and Morty.

I think it's from Rick and Morty.

I think it's a Rick and Morty reference.

That is great, man.

That is very funny.

Listen, here's what I'll tell you.

I mean, they're, they're, they're,

They're a superpower.

They do a lot for your self-esteem.

When I had them, it was a brief shining moment, never to be seen again.

But there's a six pack where that feels good.

But when you have those, you look at yourself and go, yeah, that's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

But again, you're going to be chasing that dragon forever.

I think this guy's giving it up.

He looks like a guy who'd probably be fun to hang out with.

And you probably have some snacks.

He could appreciate some good wings.

I think women are pragmatic.

I think they look at it and they go, that guy's going to make me eat a lot of grilled chicken breast.

Whereas this guy looks like he'd have a good time.

I don't want a woman who looks like she hasn't had a carb in the last 10 years.

One of the best things in life is carbs.

You want somebody who looks like once in a while they can house a brick oven pizza.

You need someone in your life like that.

Yeah, I mean, right away he's got the big three, which is like three other girls that are talking to him and hanging with him.

That guy knows exactly what he's doing.

Yeah, he knows how to play the game he's playing.

But I have to say,

I actually find him one of the most complicated characters because he's very funny and very outgoing and there is a lot of pain going on underneath that.

Would you say that that is kind of the case with a lot of people like that?

Yeah, I

if you're outwardly funny.

I've represented a lot of comedians, and I have to tell you, look, history plays this out.

There have been a lot of really talented stand-up comedians who took their own lives, and it's often, underneath it, there's a tremendous sadness, there's a tremendous vulnerability, there's a lot of pain.

This is a reaction formation, this is a coping mechanism, humor.

And I think we all present in different ways with our coping mechanisms, but humor is a very powerful one, laughing at your pain, laughing at the things that you're going through, trying to make a joke of it so people can't hit you with it first.

Like, oh, I'm gonna call myself out on this first before anybody else could say it about me.

It's sort of like a preemptive strike on it.

So you're afraid this person's gonna see this in you, so I'm just gonna show it to you right away.

And I think with him, it hides a deep pain, which is why he's the first person to cry on the show.

He has a couple of moments where he's really, really vulnerable and walks away from the camera crying because I think that that humor is a coping mechanism.

And again, I think that this is a really interesting season.

I mean, it's hilarious.

It's a lot of riveting stuff.

There are some real characters, like some of the temptation dudes, the tempters.

the fucking facial hair.

One of the guys with the mustache, I don't know what his name is, such a good looking dude.

And then he does the ironic mustache and you're like, what are you doing?

Like that is ridiculous.

I mean, there's a lot of the oops I didn't know, I was sexy stubble, a lot of guys doing that, like the perfectly curated stubble.

But the ironic mustache, save that, it's not for Temptation Island.

Save that for something, save that for, don't do that on The Bachelor, don't do that on Temptation Island, my friend.

You bring your A game, it's disrespectful otherwise.

So some people use humor to cope and some people throw on gigantic rubber prosthetic tits and have a dominatrix to grade them in their life.

I feel like I know where we're going story-wise on this.

There's not more than one example of that?

What are you talking about?

Are you talking about a former Trump appointee and their spouse who has a bimbofication fetish?

Is that what you're referring to?

Because who could you be talking about in this segment?

Wait, let me ask this.

It'll narrow it down.

Do the nipples point in different directions?

That's the funniest part.

That's the best part.

Why do I?

I feel like they're like cameras.

They follow you, you know, when you move from room to room.

The Mona Lisa eyes.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like a Scooby-Doo episode, you know?

It's like, wait a minute, we're being watched, you know?

So this story broke last week.

Brian Noem got caught basically doing a little cross-dressing and wearing these.

It's not even that he's cross-dressing.

Is that what he's wearing is so ridiculous.

But the latest kind of update on this story was the video and audio of his conversations with his dominatrix.

Shai Sotomayor is her name.

No relation to Supreme Court Justice.

Right.

Yeah.

Let's play the clip here.

It's brutal.

It's awful.

I believe.

You told me you loved me, didn't you?

I do love you.

Do you?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

So much better than your wife, aren't I?

You're so much better than you ever.

So he goes on to say, you know, I want to be your bimbo and your girl.

And she keeps hammering.

I'm better than your wife.

Well, because she knows she's recording this shit.

She's like, I am working this thing.

Well, and that's part of this.

She came out and said that once she realized who he was, who her husband or who his wife is and what their politics are, then she kind of decided I'm going to out you.

This is what happens when when it's why so many gay Republicans get outed because they're like voting against

this and on saying like homosexuality is a crime, is a criminal offense to God.

And meanwhile, they're at like Motel 6 getting by .

So like we get it, you know, but I, what I'll tell you is this is actually a very interesting story on a bunch of levels.

One of which I think is, what is the fetish that he's engaged in?

Like, what is this?

Like this bimbification fetish or feminization fetish.

My friend, Thea Rose, Seg's Talk, a podcast that she does and a show on YouTube, she does in a recent episode, she talks a little bit about feminization as a kink.

I don't know if she's done anything ever on bimbification and this kind of a concept, but that's a great like first stop if you want to learn about different like kinks and different

kind of the identifying characteristics of them in a very sort of safe space.

Thea talks a lot about that kind of stuff, and it's one of the reasons why I enjoy her content.

I had to sit down with her.

We had a great chat.

I found out I was a pleasure dom.

That was exciting.

So it was a very fun discussion, but she's somebody who I think is kind of an expert on these things in terms of how these kinks develop or what they mean or where they come from.

It's an interesting line that this is bumping into because people are like, wait, is he trans?

And the answer is no.

It sounds like he's somebody that just derives some sexual excitement from this idea of being, you know, either bimbo, like a bimbification fetish, like that he wants to be a very exaggerated version of a woman.

And that's part of like a domination thing that's happening where he's the submissive.

Again, I don't want to yuck anybody's yum.

I don't think it's anybody's business other than he and potentially his spouse, whether she's aware of this or not, whether this is something you didn't feel safe exploring with his spouse or whether this is something that just exists separately from his relationship with his spouse.

I don't really know.

I don't really think the private lives of people being consumed in this way is a really good idea.

He's getting a raw deal.

I also know by the logic of, well, I recorded all these things and I exposed it because of his wife's policies.

Talk about guilt by association.

That doesn't seem the right thing to do.

And by the way,

Well, all this is really doing is increasing a lot of, like, stigma around, you know, people's kinks and people's, you know, sexual, I don't want to say fetishes even, like, just what people's kinks are.

And I think for someone who's a sex worker, someone who's trying to be sex positive like this dominatrix appears to want to be in her public content,

I don't know that this is accomplishing that.

I actually think it's a form of shaming of this person.

And again, whether you believe this person deserves to be shamed or not, I personally don't.

But, you know, I just don't know that doing that to someone is a particularly graceful thing to do.

And certainly you don't have permission of your own conscience to do.

It's not a public service that you're engaged in.

But he's got to be like, that is not a post headline you want to be on.

No, I mean, this is one of the more embarrassing moments.

And like, we do have like some wars going on though in the world that might require more airtime than this stuff, you know?

But yeah, I mean, this was a rough news cycle for Kristi Noem.

She might want to just go back to doing something else.

I can't wait to read her book someday.

Well, we had Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau were together at Coachella.

That is just an amalgam of words.

It's Mad Libs, right?

Yeah.

Like if you said to me five years ago when he held political office and she was, I don't know, still her.

Before she became an astronaut hero.

Yeah, before she became an astronaut in her later life.

And you'd said that these like middle-aged people are going to go to, like there's nothing dumber looking than him.

What do you think on Coachella?

Are we going to get Sexton going to Coachella ever?

Do we want to speak on Coachella?

You want to post game on Coachella?

Yeah.

Give me a wrap up.

I thought Coachella was interesting this year.

I watched some of the live stream on YouTube.

I think The Strokes still crushing it, which is amazing.

I think Julian Casablanca's lead singer of The Strokes is still a brilliant musician and entertainer.

And his commentaries between songs was about the funniest thing about The Strokes finally fulfilling their lifelong dream of opening for Justin Bieber.

A lot of self-awareness about who they are.

Yeah, talking about the how's it feel that you guys are all getting drafted and that he wants to head one of the Coachella units because it'd be the sexiest units.

This is classic Julian Casablanca's.

I've been a Strokes fan a really long time.

I even like Julian's phrases for The Young and his solo album, some of the stuff he did with The Voids.

So I'm a fan of his work.

And so it was really cool to see them up there doing their thing.

Those guys have all, I think almost all of them now have been through divorces themselves.

So they're right in my demographic and they're right around my age.

So God bless these guys that they're still out there entertaining audiences full of 20 something year olds and 30 something year olds.

But the headliners really this year were,

really skinny girls in lingerie.

Like this was Coachella 2026.

This was skinny chicks in lingerie.

It was Sabrina Carpenter just knocking it out of the park half naked as always.

And then there were acts I shouldn't know and don't know where I was looking them up going, okay, what is Katzen?

I think it was called Katzai.

Yeah.

skinny chicks in lingerie dancing around like girl bosses.

And then there was another one, I forget what it was.

It was the same thing.

There was a lot of the same vibe going on.

And it was, so we went,

There was a period in feminism where it was like, men, you have to find Lizzo attractive and you have to watch Lizzo and say how beautiful she is.

And we were all like, Lizzo, very beautiful woman, very talented.

And we got to watch her play the flute.

We got to watch her dance around in lingerie.

And now they're like, very good.

You did fine with that.

Now you got to sit and watch Blackpink do it.

And we're like,

Oh no, not that.

Twist my arm.

Oh no.

I hope Sabrina's not gonna simulate fellatio again.

That would really be hard to watch, but I guess if it supports the movement.

So yeah, I mean, Coachella.

This is one form of feminism we can all get behind.

Everybody wins.

We can really get behind it literally.

Yeah, no, it's a really good one.

And what I'll say is Coachella, there was a lot of it.

There was a lot of, there was not a lot of body positivity at Coachella this year.

There was a lot of things that would make a lot of women probably go, man, have I got to get back to the gym because it was a lot.

We're back to like the really skinny in like almost no clothing, but some of the acts really killed it.

Jack White,

brutalized that stage.

He was amazing.

I mean, he is a musician in a real way.

I think he crushed it.

Let me think, Ethel Kane was on there, very good.

There were some really talented acts up there.

I would rather have paper cuts in my eyes and pour lemon juice in it than go to Coachella.

I literally can't think of any place in the world I would rather not be.

How much money?

How much money for you to be at Coachella in like GA, in like the mosh pit area, like, you know, completely surrounded?

Oh, it'd have to be a lot.

Give me a number.

For me, I don't know that I even need the money that bad.

But I mean, I guess I would say for me to do it, five million.

Five million.

If I put a duffel bag of like 500K right in front of you right now, you say no?

Oh, absolutely not.

Like if it's on the table?

For 500K?

Absolutely not.

A million dollars cash.

No way.

A million dollars cash.

No way.

No, no, not going in.

No, just the amount of having to travel and be there and then be around those people.

Five million bucks.

I mean, maybe I would go lower.

Maybe I would go two, two and a half, something like that.

We can make some good content out of it.

You're goddamn right.

Half a mil?

Absolutely not.

Absolutely not.

Are you kidding me?

No, that would not happen.

Because it's just a multi-day event, and there's people and their phones and influencers.

Oh, it's an amalgam.

It's a perfect storm of all the things I hate.

You know how much vocal fry is going on there right now?

Coachella.

The whole thing.

Who's on the main stage?

Who's on this stage?

And there's also like 50 stages.

And then you got to be like cattle.

You're being kind of moved from one place to the next.

And how about this?

You and Zona guy link up together, wingman it for each other and hit up Coachella.

You throw Zona Guy in the mix and I would drop my price tag.

That would be fun.

I would go just so I could watch Zona Guy.

Zona Guy let loose and that would be like you're letting a piranha loose in the goldfish tank.

Like Coachella wouldn't know what was hitting if you dropped Zona Guy.

Zona Guy, listen, I didn't hire him for my firm.

That's his natural environment.

He has no known predators in that environment.

He's the apex.

Yeah, he is the apex predator in that environment.

I'll tell you right now.

Zona, I know you watch.

I watch you, you watch me.

This is your calling next year.

And you know what?

Here's what I'll tell you.

I think that's the hack.

He could get me to go for free.

Cause he can't go without council present.

You can't let, I would be like, that's the way to get me to go to Coachella is if you went to Coachella and I'd be like, you can't go without council present.

I have to go now.

Like now I have to go, but I'm going to try to be billing while I'm there.

So I'm going to be like on the phone, texting and emailing.

And I'm going to be like, you know, Sabrina, could you just keep it down?

And you stop yodeling.

Everybody calm down so I can get some billable hours done.

I mean, careful what you say.

There's more weekends coming.

I mean, I think Zona guy will drop everything and say, let's do it.

Listen, you know what?

I mean, it can only happen once a year, but I think Zona, I think Zona, I would pay for a film crew to follow Zona around Coachella because that would be a documentary worth seeing.

Like I said, he would be the apex predator there.

He has no known enemies in that environment and it wouldn't know what hit it.

All right, we got to wrap up this episode of Better Call Sexton.

I got to get to a computer so I can reserve my Burning Man accommodations.

I'm not doing Coachella, but I will be there for Burning Man.

I will not be there for Burning Man.

I'm just kidding.

But thank you for joining us today.

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